i think this is going to one of the rare emo posts on my blog. normally emo posts are not posted on the blog. anyway, the day started off fine. with exco cum tchers lunch at holland v and stuff. but somehow it just changed all of a sudden when i realise smth.
smth that i had better not known, that maybe i shd never know. if it was ever meant to be a secret, if im not supposed to know it, to whoever, please keep it away from me. words that are not meant to be seen by me shldnt be everywhere around. it gets really saddening when i want to know smth, and you dont want to let me know, and ive to hear/know from somewhere else instead of from your mouth.
and then i also realised smth. throughout, no matter what ive done, the amount of effort ive put in, its of no use. you know that stranger look just beats everything, in the negative way. which aint good. from hi bye friends, to what we were in the past, and ended up back as hi bye friends again. is everything always coming to an end. forming, and diminishing. i think thats kind of worse than never forming. maybe, sometimes. when the hurt gets too deep. that we're producing such hurt where MPC=MSB, assuming that there're no external benefit. and yes, its lame but i think its true. why cant we like produce hurt at the socially optimum level where MSC=MSB. i mean, sometimes when we get hurt, we will grow up and learn to treasure each other more right. but now, theres this overproduction, and hence the overconsumption of my tears. lame but whatever.
bcos you think that theres no reason for me to know, so if everything is right, i shd also remain clueless. i will pretend to not know anything. bcos if i ever ask you, i think there will be this awkwardness. you will be like shucks how did she know that. and i will be like wth why didnt you tell me that. endless right. maybe one day, i will hear it from you, and yes you.
